I find it astonishing when something like this happens. Yesterday I asked you, the internet public, a question I was sure you had not spent any time considering. Today, your responses are in, and you speak with one voice. Below is the tally for Al Gore: condiment or foodstuff.
Votes for foodstuff: 0
Votes for condiment: 3
Spoiled ballots: 0
Your collected reasonings are logical and thorough. Here is the most erudite of them:
When I think of a condiment, I think of an extra, a pleasantry that, while entirely disposable, enhances the main course. A condiment cannot stand alone. Since Al Gore was a mere pleasantry in the main course that was the Clinton presidency (one that, personally, I never cared for with condiments or without), and his attempts to stand alone failed, he should be classified as a condiment. We see now that he is entirely disposable to the Democratic Party. Specifically, I believe Gore is mayonnaise: extremely white and slightly chunky, and the half of the population that likes it isn't really even all that crazy about it.
Here is the tawdriest:
Condiment. The reasoning is simple. If you considered it a foodstuff, you would feel satisfied after eating the said foodstuff. Since I would not eat Al Gore, I have to say condiment. The only one who can truly answer this is Tipper Gore. I wonder if she would feel satisfied after eating Al Gore?
Here is one whose logic is honed to a gleaming edge:
Pro-condiment: Could he ever be anything more than a garnish on the Clinton legacy? Pro-foodstuff: Is there a condiment as bland as Al? Foodstuffs can be bland but not condiments.Verdict: Condiment. But he can only aspire to the status of Hellman's Light Mayo, not Miracle Whip. (Or say Yellow Mustard instead of Grey Poupon. Or maybe he's just right for Grey Poupon?)
There you have it. Al Gore is all condiment. Those of you interested in further research re: mayonnaise and white spreads in general will enjoy this comprehensive evaluation of sandwich lubes.
On another note entirely, strongsmell.com is today launching a new series on xenon, which is the second-heaviest of all the noble gases. It begins with a poem.
Posted by Bret at February 7, 2003 04:37 PM