Goodness, goodness, goodness. One little question, and suddenly this hot sandwich finds its inbox stuffed full of e-contributions from you, the internet public. Apparently you do not have anything better to do with your time. This is a good thing, as it drives up the traffic numbers and aids the march toward cyber-fame and cash money riches. Thank you all.
I suppose you would like to know how the voting turned out. You are dying to know whether Cool Whip is a condiment or a foodstuff.
Well. Far be it from me to shy away from giving the fans what they want. First, the tally:
Votes for foodstuff: 2
Votes for condiment: 2
Spoiled ballots: 2
What constitutes a spoiled ballot? A vote that fails to specify a preference for either foodstuff or condiment. For example:
"How about dessert?"
or:
"Cool Whip is neither a condom nor a foot long thingy...(embarrassingly dirty passage excised here)
...Don't get that stuff all over your mouth, I caution."
Really, I never. Shame on whoever sent that in.
We have a problem on our collective hands. We have failed utterly to resolve the issue, and fully one-third of our participants cannot even follow simple instructions. It is a situation begging for careful thought and sensible analysis.
So here is how we will proceed. First, some of the sensible arguments for foodstuffery:
"I'm afraid my limited powers of argument cannot overcome the fact that most normal people sit down to a nice plastic bowl of Cool Whip, and, if they're feeling ambitious, will add a condiment of pumpkin pie."
"Foodstuff. The way it disappears at my house is quite fascinating. If it is something that sits in our fridge or cupboard for more than a year, it's a condiment. If it disappears before the milk expires or the cheese gets a tad moldy, I would consider it a foodstuff."
Next, some of the sensible arguments for condimentry:
"Ummm, does edible oil count as a condiment? If so, I vote condiment. If not, I vote lotion."
"If it comes in a tub it's a condiment. Cool Whip comes in a tub. So Cool Whip is a condiment."
Not much of a contest. Foodstuff wins.
Pudding in a cloud, anyone?
Posted by Bret at February 6, 2003 01:55 PM