On Tuesday night I went to a concert with Gordie Of The Rocks.

Gordie Of The Rocks likes music other people hate. For example, he has a DVD of Yes playing a concert, in which Steve Howe stands on a Persian rug and looks all sallow and withered and tries not to fall down and break his hip, and also in which Jon Anderson warbles loudly about (a) how owning a lonely heart is much better than owning a broken heart and (b) he'll be the round about.

It is a singularly bad DVD. Really, you have no idea how awful it is to sit and watch it. The singing is like Tiny Tim tip-toeing through the tulips and the instrumental bits are like seventeen layers of ass. But Gordie Of The Rocks loves loves loves it. Oh, how he watches that DVD!

So you see why I didn't think going to a concert with Gordie Of The Rocks was such a hot idea. First, it was going to consist of Gordie OF The Rocks music. Second, it was going to feature a noodly prog-rock band from England called "Porcupine Tree." Third, it was going to feature a death metal band from Sweden called "Opeth."

So when Gordie Of the Rocks phoned to ask if I would like to come to the concert, I naturally said this:

"OK."

When we got to the concert theatre everybody in line was eighteen years old and dressed all in black. Apparently Canada is more "Opeth" territory than "Porcupine Tree" territory.

"Opeth" started. They did not play any death metal. Instead they played flittery arpeggio things on their guitars and sang bittersweet harmonies in minor keys. One excited eighteen-year-old dressed all in black hollered this after the first number:

"You guys kick ass!"

Then "Opeth" played more flittery arpeggios. Then they stopped playing flittery arpeggios and instead played a guitar solo. They they repeated that routine until it was 11:37 PM. They were about 45 percent good.

"Porcupine Tree" looked and sounded like the band Michael J. Fox would have led if (a) music had been his career not his hobby, and (b) MJF had been less into the Beatles and more into King Crimson. They were 68 percent good.

After the concert we went into a pub and talked about how guitar riffery is neat.

Posted by Bret at July 17, 2003 11:55 PM