I am covered with hair. Everywhere. On my head and my chin and my chest and my shoulders and even parts of my back. And my rear end. It is disgusting, really. I ought to spend more time shaving.
Tonight, Kate and I decided to Do Something About It.
First I took off my shirt, then Kate plastered me with plastic strips. On one side, these plastic strips were covered with something the box they came in said was wax, but which was really a lot more like tree sap.
Here is how it went:
1. Kate pressed some tree sap onto my shoulder.
2. I thought about how nice and warm it felt.
3. All my many man-hairs embedded themselves in the nice warm tree sap.
4. Kate pulled the plastic strip off without even saying "Ready?"
5. FUCK!
6. OUCH!
7. HOLY SHIT!
8. Hey! I'm hairless on my man-shoulders!
9. Nice!
10. Wanna touch?
11. Oh crap, here comes another plastic tree-sap strip.
12. Lather.
13. Rinse.
14. Repeat.
So basically it was a total Agent Orange defoliation. But I survived.
There was a little vial of Curaçao-coloured lube in the box with the tree-sap strips. After the ripping was over Kate rubbed it onto my bleeding shoulders. It felt really nice but at this point I'm not sure it was worth all the upfront cost.
Maybe next time we'll do the lube first and never mind about the tree sap.
Posted by Bret at September 9, 2003 10:41 PM
Comments from you, the internet public:
I like Blue Curacao...it's good mixed with my morning cereal. Do you remember when Bruce Jenner used to be on the box of Wheatabix? I wonder if Bruce likes Blue Curacao.
Posted by Chuck at September 10, 2003 01:38 PMI sympathize. I am an actor and once had to shave my head and chest for a role. I used an electric shaver for my noggin and tried Nair for my chest. The one thing I can say about Nair: It may have burned a lot, but as an exfoliant it sure sucked. It didn't take off nearly as much hair as it was supposed to. I wound up with a slathery, hairy goo all over my chest, and it wasn't easy to wash the stuff off.
In the course of the four-week run, I gave up trying to remove my chest hair and stuck to shaving my head. I don't think anybody noticed.
Posted by Doug Brandt at September 24, 2003 02:37 PMPost a comment of your own:
May you take full pleasure in your 2.5 days of silky smooth skin.
Spoothe
Homer (singing): "I'm shaving my shoulders. Oh, yeah. I'm getting it all shaved off."
Posted by Spoothe at September 10, 2003 01:01 PM