There is this guy named Ken Finkleman who stars in a TV show.

The TV show is called The Newsroom. It is a totally wicked good TV show. It is about bad people who say mean things to each other in hushed tones.

Also it is sometimes about bran muffins. The guy who stars in it totally likes to eat bran muffins but only plain ones not the ones with apple or raisins. So he spends a lot of his time complaining that his assistant got him the wrong kind of bran muffin and that is unacceptable and he is the executive producer and why does no one have any respect for his position.

On Wednesday I went to the grocery store to buy some caperberries. On my way to the caperberry aisle I took a shortcut through the produce department. There, examining bags of pre-washed, pre-cut salad, was Ken Finkleman.

A woman was with him. I think she must have been his wife. He was complaining to her that the pre-washed, pre-cut salad did not look like it was very fresh. He looked very unhappy about the pre-washed, pre-cut salad.

I thought this would be a good chance for me to step in and be the good samaritan I have always wanted to be. Normally I am timid about approaching strangers and offering my expertise but this was Ken Finkleman. Ken Finkleman! I know!

I strolled up to the salad cooler.

"Assface," I said to Ken Finkleman, "for the very freshest salad, you have to wash and tear the lettuce yourself."

"Oh," said Ken Finkleman.

"And don't put on the dressing too early or you will wilt the leaves."

"Oh."

"..."

"Assface."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Say, would you mind autographing my DVD of Grease 2?"

Posted by Bret at May 11, 2004 02:26 PM