Holy dum-diddeley-oodle. Apparently we the internet public have even more influence than we had previously believed. We are great. We are unstoppable. We can move mountains and then move them back, just because they are there.
Apologies for the froth. It is just that I am breathless with astonishment and drunk with power.
You will of course remember a recent post in which I recounted the sorry, sorry tale of the Crossroads TV church empire, and the sorry, sorry depths to which that once-proud institution has fallen. Here is a recap:
One day the TV church people held a vote on their web site, to see if the internet public approved or disapproved of gay marriage. The internet public approved. So the TV church people rigged the results, because they thought gay people were yucky.
Yesterday I got a note from Carolyn, who pointed out a fascinating development on the Crossroads web site:
I'm sure you've noticed, but Crossroads posted the actual final poll results, blaming them on "solicited votes." Hmmm.
To those of you who sent stern scolding letters to Crossroads, congratulations. To those of you who read the sorry tale on this hot sandwich and sank into despair, be of good cheer.
For you have influenced the behaviour of a TV church media giant.
You have made your voices heard.
You have changed Crossroads from a shameful dirty liar into a shameful reluctant foot-dragging adolescent teller of half-truths.
You better go have a quick look right at their page right now, before David Mainse finds out the gay mafia got to his web master and sends him off for de-programming.
Posted by Bret at 11:01 PM | Comments (4)
This afternoon Matthew Perry sent me a note. No, not that weak-chinned drug addict from Friends. The real Matthew Perry, who is sensible and friendly, and who lives across the street from a chocolate factory.
In his note, Matthew Perry explained that this religious broadcasting outfit called "Crossroads" was having a big to-do about gay weddings.
See, here in the centre of the universe, it recently became legal for men to get married to men and women to get married to women. This is a really super idea. Consider the economic spillover of all those new names in the Ashley's gift registry, for one thing. For another, consider the burgeoning market for high-end canapés.
The people at Crossroads do not think this is a hot idea at all. Their supreme boss, David Mainse, the man whose picture sits atop this post, recently left his day job hosting the flagship Crossroads TV show. He did this, he said, so he could spend more spend more time campaigning against that demon of our time, fruit marriage.
Meanwhile, the Crossroads communication apparatus was at full throttle.
"If men start marrying men and women start marrying women," the Crossroaders opined, "in no time at all everyone's going to get the idea that there's nothing wrong with that wiener-in-the-bum thing. And also everyone's going to get the idea that, um, whatever those fallen women do in their private time is O.K. too. (What do they do together, anyway? It has something to do with electric motors, doesn't it? Ick!) This must not stand!"
The Crossroaders helpfully provided a list of government web sites, which we the internet public were to use to tell our elected officials that we do not like that sort of thing.
They also provided an internet cyber-poll, which we the internet public could use to vote on the following question:
Are you for or against same sex marriage?
This was why Matthew Perry sent me a note. He wanted all his friends to know there was a poll, and he thought it would be neat if we all voted. The "For" side, Matthew Perry noted, was winning.
I went and had a look. "For" was indeed winning, with about 68 percent of the popular vote. But there was no place to cast a ballot. "Rats," I said.
Then another note from Matthew Perry arrived:
Interesting thing happened today... Right after I voted, the opportunity to vote further disappeared from their website. The results were still showing (67.8% for, 31.4% against and 0.8 undecided) when I went back but you couldn't vote. Now they've even removed the poll results. Guess they didn't like what they heard/saw...Thanks for going to check it out... Maybe we should all ask what happened
to the poll?
This didn't seem right at all. What was going on at Crossroads?
Just then, a note arrived from Joe, who is Matthew Perry's partner in living across the street from the chocolate factory:
Interesting. Now the website lists the poll results... as of JULY 9. Now there's an honest poll. Go back in time and post the results as of the date you like the results!
Goodness. Joe was right. The Crossroads web site now invited us, the internet public, to "View Final Results (as of July 9, 2003)." Back then, "Against" apparently had drawn some 73 percent of the ballots. And the votes cast since then? Cast into the lake of fire!
Then Gordie of the Rocks sent a note of his own:
Subject: Lies make Baby Jesus cryIn re. Believing This Shit:
Given that we are dealing with what passes for the religious right in Canada, yes. I can indeed believe this shit. But hey, their credibility was shot the second Davey and Goliath started shilling for Mountain Dew (tm). Watch for the Mainse and Coren bobbleheads, coming soon to your local retailer of graven images.
Peace be with you. And with you.
And with you, Gordie of the Rocks. And with you, those who are fruity and engaged. But not with you, David Mainse. And not with you, Crossroads.
I am totally never watching Growing Pains again.
Posted by Bret at 10:27 PM | Comments (3)On Tuesday night I went to a concert with Gordie Of The Rocks.
Gordie Of The Rocks likes music other people hate. For example, he has a DVD of Yes playing a concert, in which Steve Howe stands on a Persian rug and looks all sallow and withered and tries not to fall down and break his hip, and also in which Jon Anderson warbles loudly about (a) how owning a lonely heart is much better than owning a broken heart and (b) he'll be the round about.
It is a singularly bad DVD. Really, you have no idea how awful it is to sit and watch it. The singing is like Tiny Tim tip-toeing through the tulips and the instrumental bits are like seventeen layers of ass. But Gordie Of The Rocks loves loves loves it. Oh, how he watches that DVD!
So you see why I didn't think going to a concert with Gordie Of The Rocks was such a hot idea. First, it was going to consist of Gordie OF The Rocks music. Second, it was going to feature a noodly prog-rock band from England called "Porcupine Tree." Third, it was going to feature a death metal band from Sweden called "Opeth."
So when Gordie Of the Rocks phoned to ask if I would like to come to the concert, I naturally said this:
"OK."
When we got to the concert theatre everybody in line was eighteen years old and dressed all in black. Apparently Canada is more "Opeth" territory than "Porcupine Tree" territory.
"Opeth" started. They did not play any death metal. Instead they played flittery arpeggio things on their guitars and sang bittersweet harmonies in minor keys. One excited eighteen-year-old dressed all in black hollered this after the first number:
"You guys kick ass!"
Then "Opeth" played more flittery arpeggios. Then they stopped playing flittery arpeggios and instead played a guitar solo. They they repeated that routine until it was 11:37 PM. They were about 45 percent good.
"Porcupine Tree" looked and sounded like the band Michael J. Fox would have led if (a) music had been his career not his hobby, and (b) MJF had been less into the Beatles and more into King Crimson. They were 68 percent good.
After the concert we went into a pub and talked about how guitar riffery is neat.
Posted by Bret at 11:55 PM | Comments (1)